number eight

i really need to do biology.
but here's a quick post.

HC was last night.
and i'm listening to my "when my heart cries" playlist.
guess how it went?

so first up is the list of the songs in the playlist.
and then a poem i wrote about last night.

capri- colbie caillat (this song makes me want to have a baby. really badly)
a modern myth- 30 seconds to mars (incredibly strong)
hate that i love you- rihanna (favorite song of hers)
white flag- dido
rescued- jack's mannequin
wherever you will go- the calling
my immortal- evanescence
i wrote this song- making april
we're so far away- mae
split screen sadness- john mayer (absolutely incredible)
i don't love you- my chemical romance (also incredible)
all of yours- making april
roses and butterflies- making april
it ends tonight- the all-american rejects
everything- lifehouse (gorgeous)
the kill (accoustic)- 30 seconds to mars (incredible. no words for it)
far away- nickelback
chance of a lifetime- mest
center state- the skyriter
smother me- the used (beautiful)
superman- five for fighting
tied together with a smile- taylor swift
when i go down- relient k
chasing cars- snow patrol
easy silence- dixie chicks
inside your heaven- carrie underwood
once in every lifetime- jem
teardrops on my guitar- taylor swift
city of devils- yellowcard
outside- staind
here without you- 3 doors down
wheel- john mayer
starts with goodbye- carrie underwood
too far gone- the all-american rejects
your guardian angel- the red jumpsuit apparatus (fantastically beautiful)
cold as you- taylor swift (story of my lifeeee)
that's where it is- carrie underwood
drops of jupiter- train
brand new day- forty foot echo
beautiful disaster (live)- kelly clarkson
the minstrel's prayer- cartel (amazing)
jesus, take the wheel- carrie underwood






huzzah.
my playlist.

and then the poem i wrote.
because i am insane.
and. bleh.
*sigh*

it's definitely on the verge of being stalker-ish.
but at the same time.
EVERYONE has felt like this.

or i hope so.





Inadequate

My dress matched your shirt
and I swore it was a sign.
I circled myself with others
but always kept an eye on you.
My hips and heart beat for you.
And when you wove through
the masses of raw hearts
and stopped just behind me,
I thought "we" might finally exist.

Your arms were around another
but your back was against mine
and I could feel your every move.
I rolled my hips against you and
you answered back loudly, earnestly.
And I thought that maybe, just maybe
this night might be the magic one.
One that didn't end in tears,
disappointment, inadequacy.
That someone, that he would want
me to bury my face in his neck and
to hide my insecurities in his chest.
That I might be able to brush my
fingertips like a whisper through
the hair at the nape of his neck.
That I could pull someone solid to myself
and feel his warmth and be unafraid.

The song ended and I felt your body leave
mine and I was left with missing coldness.
I never felt you again that night.
My fingers, my neck, my arms, my hips
all craved you again. To hold, to whisper.
To watch your chest rise and fall with mine.
And nothing more simple than that.

You wandered the room the rest of the night
and I stalked you with my eyes and heart.
You were looking, watching for someone.
And I begged for that someone to be me.

Please want me too.
Please end my eternal feelings of inadequacy.
Please save me from myself.

But our gemstone bridges were not enough
to bring you back to me again.
Not this night.

And I wonder now.
If I should give up on you.
Let you fall with the others
who didn't want me either.

And I would if I could.
But the answer of your hips,
your back pressed against mine.
your eyes locked on mine
keep me from snipping you away.

Don't tease me, boy.
But please, love, don't leave me.